Sunday, April 28, 2013

Burnt Bizkit; Jonesin for more Tom

It's too easy to rip Limp Bizkit.

Pounding on the Led Zeppelin of rap-metal was clichéd before people even started doing it.

Yeah, of course they sucked. Yeah, of course dudes who chanted out the words to "Nookie" were gargantuan douche bags. Yeah, of course Fred Durst was a talentless blob of skin and bone. Yeah, of course that guitarist guy looked like a f*cking jackass with all that paint all over his face. Yeah, of course their contribution to music was to make every other band and solo artist sound so much better because of the stream of awful shit spewing forth from the stage every time they played.

But so what? Their fans are their fans, their music is their music, why bother taking shots?

Because they're still around. Limp Bizkit should not still be together, playing and making music. Of course saying things like this just fuels Durst's fire, so he'd probably just flip the middle finger and start humping at whoever said such a thing. Just like he does here in the video for "Gold Cobra," a single from the 2011 album of the same name.

What the shit? Why are you so mad Durst? It's not our fault that you're an old man pretending to be a kid. It's not our fault that you could put all of the big jugs and hot cars in the world in your video and it still wouldn't change the fact that the only reason you get laid is because you're a rock star.

If you have to stick around, and play shows, like Wednesday's sold-out gig at the Theatre of the Living Arts in Philadelphia, just play "Three Dollar Bill Ya'll" from front to back and embrace the nostalgia. Don't make new stuff. You're embarrassing yourself. Seriously. Stop.

Go ahead, bite my chest hair: T.J. in his prime.
One guy we don't mind having around is Tom Jones. This guy can and has crooned everything, from bawdy originals to cornball covers to whacked out collaborations (pairing up with Art of Noise to cover Prince's from "Kiss," covering "Hot Legs" with Tina Turner), and as far as I'm concerned he can keep on doing it until the day that he dies. Shit, he can keep on doing it after he dies - they can just stuff him and wheel him around and play classics like "What's Up Pussycat" while his dead, hairy-chested body sits there in all its glory.

I mean, we're not that far from that right now. Have you seen this dude lately?

But yo, the 72-year-old (!!!) is actually tackling serious material now, having a real-deal renaissance a la Johnny Cash in the twilight of his life. Not surprisingly, music execs aren't getting it, as one called Jones' 2010 album "Praise & Blame" a "sick joke," even though it's freaking rad as hell. On his latest album he does Leonard Cohen's "Tower of Song." He does Blind Willy Johnson and Richard Thompson.

It's no longer about witnessing a Cheese Fest when Jones plays out, as he will May 17 at the Theatre of the Living Arts. Could actually be a cool show for all the right reasons. Go here to buy tickets.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.