Paging Delaware venues - it's the 1990s calling; they want theirheadliners back

Boys to douche, BTD, OMG ... the Hanson family.

A friend at work is obsessed with Hanson. That's right, the "MMMBop" kids from the early 1990s, not to be confused with fellow '90s act Nelson, because that would mean they had two sick songs instead of one Ear Worm, or the "MMM MMM MMM MMM" guys, the Crash Test Dummies, also from the early 1990s (This really happened didn't it. Holy shit).

As in, she is big into the stuff they put out after their debut smash containing the one-hit wonder. As in, she still goes to see them in concert. As in, she says that they don't sell these days because they are "ahead of their time," and she says this completely straight-faced, leaving me feeling like Ron Burgundy after he finds out that Veronica Corningstone wasn't joking about wanting to be an anchor.

Anyway, at 6 p.m. May 11, Hanson will be headlining the music portion of this year's Flower Market in Wilmington. And, yeah, while it's cool they got a nationally known act, it's a nationally known act that hasn't been relevant for two decades, unless you count the three times that small voices in the music press tried to sell us the bullshit that they made some decent music as grown-ups. Yeah, right.

What's really telling is that this Hanson-obsessed co-worker is NOT EVEN GOING TO SEE THE HANSON FLOWER MARKET SHOW. Which means they are beyond irrelevant. What the hell, Flower Market?

I can't decide whether the FM's choice of headliner is better or worse than an upcoming show that Dover Downs has just started promoting in earnest: Keith Sweat on Sept. 20. Really? Keith Sweat? We're going to start seeing his mug on a giant billboard just south of Wilmington, finally replacing the Boz Scaggs one that stayed up there three weeks after his recent show?

I was so blown away at hearing about this upcoming gig that I rushed to group text-message the three people who would find this most amusing:

Me: 













Col. Wilma Deering:

Oh snap! Let's go!

Dr. Elias Huer:

You say no! I say yes! Girl I bet I can make you sweat.

Princess Ardala:

Is he related to Nicky Sweats?

Dr. Elias Huer:

Keith "Butt" Sweat.

Me:

Keith Buttsweat in Barnes & Noble.

Princess Ardala:

I thought he was dead?

Me:

One of the Kriss Kross kids just died. The Grim Reaper makes you ... jump jump.

Col. Wilma Deering:

I just saw these. You guys are nerds.

Dr. Elias Hunter:

Wiggedy wiggedy wiggedy wack.

Col. Wilma Deering:

Important question: Is he being buried backwards?

***************
Only a Keith Sweat concert at Dover Downs could elicit such gibberish. So, thank you, Dover Downs, and, thank you, Flower Market. You have made my weekend, and that is very sad.