Black Crowes: Rock Hall or not?

Fact: There have been 5,000 members in The Black Crowes.

They say you can judge a tune by whether you'll keep it on if it randomly comes on the radio (actually, I just said that. just now). And when judged by that standard, I have to say that The Black Crowes' "She Talks To Angels" is a pretty damn fine track. Love hearing that shit in ShopRite while I'm prowling for new Turkey Hill ice cream flavors.

But as a band with any historical significance, The Crowes, who swooped in for a sold out show at Philly's Electric Factory on April 12, are a major league failblog.

Their first break through hit, "Hard To Handle," is a freaking cover. The other big hits on "Shake Your Money Maker" - "Twice As Hard," "Jealous Again," etc. are almost worse than covers, ripping the Stones while Honkifying every blues lick and vocal hook ever. And that whole Rich vs. Chris Robinson brother rivalry? Come on man. We already saw that shit with the Kinks.

On "The Southern Harmony and Melody Maker" the Crowes moved on and started to ape the Faces, Allman Bros, Aerosmith and other 70s rock acts, and by the time the time the vagina album cover came out for "Amorica," it was all a downhill slide of live and greatest hits comps.

Oasis had much more success, and much longer run, stealing from the Beatles, Stones, Stone Roses, Smiths, etc.

Noel and Liam are shoe-ins for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when they become eligible in 2019. But the Robinsons are gonna have a thorn in their pride when they're up in 2015. At least they should - you never know how many Crowes CDs Jann Weiner has in his collection.

Diamond Head, Diamond State: Metal greats play Mojo 13

Remember Anvil? Remember how the Canadian metal band's story emerged out of nowhere as something important back in 2008, and how the "rockumentary" "Anvil! The Story of Anvil" - which somehow captured every dramatic and important moment on the band's comeback tour - came out and was on VH1 Classic practically every day?

Clearly, there's video and testimonials to support the fact that Anvil did indeed play a big festival with Metallica back in the early 1980s. But there's little else - the music and crude lyrics were seemingly more of an influence on Nickelback than any future metal band. Something about the whole deal just didn't seem right - did Anvil really still have a following today and that justified the movie, or did the hype of the movie make it so that Anvil had a following?

Anvil: I didn't buy this stupid shit for a second. You?

(Also, are you like me? Did you feel like this was basically a stab at a quote-unquote real-life version of "This is Spinal Tap," only not funny or cool? Just wondering.)

You don't have any of that shit with Diamond Head, a band that emerged from Stourbridge, England in the late 1970s and turned segments of the music world on their asses with a mysterious untitled album in 1980 that merged Led Zeppelin and Judas Priest. Musically, it set the template for bands like Metallica and Megadeth, who both cite them as influences.

But unlike Anvil, these dudes are legit, and the proof is out there. Go ahead and YouTube "Lightning To The Nations," which fans and writers went on to name that first album, and you will be blown away by what you hear if you are into stuff like Sabbath, Led Zep or early metal. Brian Tatler tears it up with wicked solos and razor-like riffs, and singer Sean Harris could pass for Robert Plant in a Zeppelin tribute band. 

 

Is this good or bad? I can't tell.

The chugging "Sucking My Love" is, appropriately enough, 10 minutes of awesome, the title track bangs away like Judas Priests' best cock-rock moments, only with black metal subbing in for some of Priests' more schlocky moments, and there's a reason why Metallica and others later covered the dastardly "Am I Evil?"

And we know Metallica was heavily influenced by them, because drummer Lars Ulrich has said he patterned the band's sound after Diamond Head, and the setlists to their early shows were stuffed with Diamond Head tunes.

Sadly, the band couldn't cash in, and it all fell apart when they signed with MCA, either because they took all kinds of bad advice, couldn't write or record any more decent songs or their contract with the devil ran out. 

Better have a lawyer present.

The band will be at Mojo 13, 1706 Philadelphia Pike, in Holly Oak, on Thursday (April 11).

Coffin Dust, Skeleton Hands, and 9 Crown Monarch open up starting at 8 p.m.

Tickets are $18 in advance, $20 day of show. Go here to buy them now or get them at the door.

Phoenix on 'SNL': Old dudes play boring alt-pop

Phoenix: 'SNL' and Coachella see the next big thing. I see this.

Not sure if anyone else has noticed, but aside from the occasional big pop star score (Justin Timberlake, Justin Bieber, Nicki Minaj, Frank Ocean) “Saturday Night Live’s” musical guests have stunk on ice, especially the rock offerings.

It’s almost as if Lorne Michaels and Co. were trying to make modern duplicates of some of my horrid mock 1980s musical guest-host pairings, using my Don Pardo impression.

Sarandon: Genius in 'Fright Night.'

“Musical guest...Wall of Voodoo! With your host … Edie McClurg!” Or, “Musical guest The Domino’sNoid!”
… After the Fire! With your host … Chris Sarandon!” Or, “Musical guest … Kajagoogoo! … with your host …

It’s true, there’s been some names. “SNL” recently had Muse, world conquerors who have been on the cover of Rolling Stone. This off-key, ham-fisted collection of douchebags also sound like a modern-rock version of The Fixx covered in steaming cow dung.

They had The Lumineers, who are still hot shit at the moment. I checked it out, wondering what all the fuss was about … yeah, as expected, it’s just a bunch of Renaissance Faire rejects dressing up like its 1880 playing your typical pop stuff, just with old-timey instruments.

McClurg: An early Melissa McCarthy.

And now we have Phoenix, which might just be the most infuriating of all. These Frenchies came out and played pleasant enough pop tunes with a decent bounce, including the Cure-esque “Entertainment” and the bouncy “Trying To Be Cool.”

But they’ve been around since 1995 which, despite the best efforts of those of us careening into our late 30s, is a long-ass time ago. Singer Thomas Mars looks like he’s about 49. This is a big band? This is an act worthy of an “SNL” spot and a headlining gig at Coachella? Really? Why do they get the nod over 100 other worthy bands who've been waiting their turn for decades?

Only Thom Yorke makes more stupid looking faces.

Maybe the real culprits are the “SNL” folks, who are now clearly enslaved by Budweiser and their musical tastes. Yup, there’s the problem.

Phoenix is our area on May 12 for the WRFF Radio 104.5 6th Birthday Show, at the Susquehanna Bank Center in Camden, N.J. They'll be playing alongside acts like Paramore, Passion Pit, and, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, who are probably along to make Phoenix look younger to the kiddie crowd.

Play ball with Sylvan Wolfe

The Wilmington band Sylvan Wolfe and former New York Yankees OF Oscar Gamble kind of have absolutely nothing in common.

Yet it just feels so right putting ol' Oscar's card right over there.

Maybe it's because, like evil clowns and bad album covers, I'm obsessed with unintentionally funny baseball cards. I mean, what about this one, this one or this one?

Or maybe it just feels like it's time to go out and see some shows now that the baseball season is underway. Like, you could be going to check out a show tonight instead of watching the season premiere of "Mad Men," aka "Sopranos"-lite. (seriously, though, if you're going to stay in and watch TV, you should be watching "Game of Thrones" anyway.)

Or, most likely, I feel like it's worth the gamble of going out to see a band you might not have heard, like Sylvan Wolfe, in the same way Steinbrenner took a Gamble on Oscar Gamble for the 1976 season (it was a decent one, as "The Grouch" hit 17 dongs and racked up 57 RBI. Unfortunately, the Yanks didn't double down for another season - Gamble signed with the Chicago White Sox for the 1977 season and pounded 31 homers, racked up 83 RBI and hit .297 for a career year in which he finished 29th in the MVP voting).

Whether it's an interesting hybrid of blues and surf music, or a barrage or alt-rock, or smoldering folk, the band's tunes are all smothered in a warmingly gorgeous reverb capped off by singer Christa Boeykens' commanding vocals.

Sylvan Wolfe, which also features Peter Daly on drums, Jonathan Reed on bass and Son Bui and David Santini on guitars, has been hitting venues throughout the area of late, playing tunes from their EP, "Black Branch." That release features songs like "White Washed Soul," which is what it might have sounded like if Joan Osborne had taken it a step further in the directions of Janis Joplin and/or early 1990s Lollapalooza and a step further away from Lilith Fair shit. "Sheeps Clothes" and the title track are decidedly modern but still echo back to some cool '90s sounds. I don't know if that was intentional, but I'm down with it.

The band's next gig is April 27 at Mojo Main, 270 E. Main St., Newark, when they'll open for Wussy and The Cocks. The show, which starts at 8 p.m., is an 18 and over event and admission is $10.

Below is a clip of the band recording the tune "Black Branch."

'90s nostalgia: Cure for The Grand's ills

Biased opinion alert: The Grand's booking of The Pixies was genius.

Today, The News Journal had a story about The Grand slashing a quarter of its staff, having a huge revenue shortfall, and eyeing deeper cuts as a way for the 135-year-old venue to stay in business.

One reason cited was "increased competition." Duh. World Cafe Live at the Queen opened down the street a few years ago. Wonder why there aren't as many slices of the same pie to go around when there are more people eating it?

When the Queen opened, there was talk about cooperation between the venues, or at least some kind of drawing of turf. As in, "Hey, Queen, you take the adult-contemporary acts and the alt-rock bands, and we'll take the jazz, classical and pop icon group."

That didn't really happen, and what you're left with is Saturday (April 6)'s recreation of The Who's classic "Who's Next" album at The Grand and similar odes to Led Zeppelin tonight (April 5) and Pink Floyd tomorrow (April 6) at The Queen.

Really?

Look, I know nothing about demographics, budgets, scheduling, costs to book bands or any of that stuff. But it seems to me that a big part of the solution is simple.

Both venues could easily put butts in their seats if they realized who will come downtown.

It seems to me like a big segment of the concert-going population is in the 25-40 range. These are people with a decent amount of disposable dough that they'd be willing to spend on a night out to see one of their favorite all-time bands. And a good chunk of them on the younger end don't have kids, so they don't have to worry about baby sitters.

The Grand should pass, especially sans DeYoung (far right).

But those bands are not Styx, or REO Speedwagon, or anyone from the 1970s or 1980s.

These two venues have to look at who the REO Speedwagons and Styx are for this generation. These venues HAVE to look at the 1990s.

The Atlanta Journal-Constituion just did a story on this a few days ago. Down there, Sugar Ray, Everclear, Barenaked Ladies and Blues Traveler will all be in town this weekend. Smash Mouth, Collective Soul and Gin Blossoms are all out there too. Do some of these bands suck? Sure. Will people pay decent money to see them? You bet.

The Grand did it with The Pixies, but they haven't continued to dig deeper into that gold mine. The Grand could easily book Stone Temple Pilots and charge $45 a head and sell out the place in a day. I'm thinking that would put The Grand in the black for that night.

Nostalgia goldmine: right there waiting.

What about Weezer? Live? Soundgarden? What about a cheesy package show at The Queen featuring Better Than Ezra, Marcy Playground and Harvey Danger?

What about the slew of indie-rock reunions? I'm sure the show bookers at The Queen and The Grand never heard of Archers of Loaf or Guided By Voices or maybe even Pavement. But these bands have hardcore followings, and their ongoing classic lineup reunion tours would have easily sold out The Queen. Same goes for The Breeders' "Last Splash" anniversary tour, just covered on this blog, which hits Philly in May. I personally would pay a pretty penny to see any of those three shows in a beautiful venue like The Grand (or The Queen).

Big-time score for Firefly.

What about hip-hop? I know that sounds scary to both of those venues, but the Firefly Music Festival showed some balls and put rap legends and Rock and Roll Hall of Famers Public Enemy on their sked of almost all rock acts. I'm sure they'll draw a new crowd with that booking - why not do the same at The Grand and/or The Queen? What are you afraid of?

Speaking of Firefly, why can't those venues get any of the acts playing the festival? More exposure for Delaware means more bands see a viable audience here means they'll come back. Yo Grand and Queen - go git em. Just like you did with Wilco and Bright Eyes a few years ago.

This is Dave Mason WHEN HE WAS COOL.

The Queen had the right idea when it went after acts like Richard Marx and Bryan Adams. There's a big market with huge selling '80s pop acts no matter how "uncool" a segment of the music world deems them to be. The Grand has the WRONG idea with acts like Dave Mason, which regardless of how it sells paints the picture of a venue that's out of touch - when you're booking a show, you're advertising for future shows. Not sure if 60-year-old guys stuck in the '70s is a vibrant target market.

Keep hitting that pipeline of nostalgia. The Grand could hit the '80s and score that late 30s to late 40s crowd. Like the Queen did, get someone like Psychedelic Furs, but go further. Get The Cure, or Morrissey, both of whom could easily sell out the venue.

But, to me, the 1990s seems like the next target to hit, and it's a big fat one.

And maybe The Grand has already made plans to do just that when it fills out its summer schedule.

Let's hope so.

Breeders ride "Last Splash" nostalgia wave into Philly

Look, Kim Deal is a pretty lady. But she puts absolutely zero effort into embracing traditional beauty and sexiness – makeup, cleavage, tight skirts, etc. – and therefore no one in the real world would ever label her as “hot.”

Except for millions of indie-rock dudes everywhere.

What if Wilt had played rock music?

This is because Kim benefits from the Rock Star Goggles, which for years have been a popular item with fans of the Rolling Stones (seriously, Mick has always been one of the ugliest dudes in music yet I’m betting his stats compare to Wilt Chamberlain), Guns ’N’ Roses (many women thought Axl, Slash and the boys to be sexy dudes, but I’m pretty sure they’re nasty looking gutter garbage who smell like 5,000 stale cigs covered in a bar’s worth of booze) and Christie Brinkley, who was obviously seeing something completely different than the rest of the world whenever she looked at Billy Joel.

Indie-rock chicks wear the Goggles too when they ogle guys like Ryan Adams, Britt Daniel and Conor Oberst.

And so do indie-dudes when they gaze upon Kim, and it’s only made worse by the fact that none of them would have kicked her out of bed in the first place. But put a bass on her, toss her up on stage with the Pixies and have her sing about a big black Garter snake (and not the one in your yard) in “Gigantic,” and it’s all over.

Oberst: Hot indie-rock guy, or psycho killer in the making?

Want to kick it up a notch? Put her back in the Breeders and have her tour with sister Kelley (her  twin, whoah) on the “Last Splash” 20th anniversary tour. And make sure she's doing it with the classic Breeders lineup, which includes drummer Jim MacPherson (also a one-time beat minder for Guided By Voices***) and Josephine Wiggs on bass. Reports from the tour so far are that the crowds are stuffed with overweight dudes in their late 30s and early 40s who can’t help but sing along to tunes like "Cannonball" and “Do You Love Me Now?” and “Divine Hammer” (another phallic reference…interesting).

The Breeders bring that tour, where they play the seminal 1993 album front-to-back, to The Trocadero Theatre, 1003 Arch St., in Upper Darby, Pa., on May 5. Tickets are $20 in advance, $23 on the day of the show, an absolute steal by today’s concert standards, even if you’re not smitten with Kim like I am.

Doors open at 7 p.m., and the show starts at 8. Go here to purchase tickets.

Here's the classic lineup, doing their thing back in the day.

*** GBV fans know all about the cross-over action that took place with The Breeders and Guided By Voices, both of which hail from Dayton, Ohio. The Breeders covered GBV's "Shocker In Gloomtown," and even included the band in a clever video that got ample play on MTV. Kim Deal and Bob Pollard were buds at one point, and Deal was producing some of the stuff on 1996's "Under The Bushes, Under The Stars" before some weird shit went down. They were supposed to be in a side project called The Amps until Bob backed out (or Kim cut him out?), but then Deal did The Amps anyway and they cranked the criminally underrated 1995 album "Pacer."

Spintos to play a home game in Arden

The Spinto Band are easily one of the most successful bands to ever emerge from Delaware, right up there with First State Rock patron saint George Thorogood, who can be seen atop Caesar Rodney’s horse all over this bloody page (Yeah, that’s who that is and, yeah, his face is basically melted).

The Wilmington-bred band has done exceptionally well since forming in 1996, going from releasing their own stuff and playing out locally to putting out a critically acclaimed album on a major label (2006’s “Nice and Nicely Done,” featuring the single “Oh Mandy,” came out on Virgin UK) and appearing on “The Jools Holland Show,” the huge TV gig and industry taste-maker factory run by the former Squeeze keyboard player. If you’re on there, you’ve either done something awesome, are in the process of doing something awesome, or will at a later date do something awesome.

But despite continuing to put out cool albums with solid singles (“Take It” from last year’s “Shy Pursuit”) and accompanying quirky and well-made videos in the years to follow, the Spintos kept taking a step down from Bar/None and Virgin UK to smaller labels to essentially putting stuff out on their own again with the help of a distributor (like the forthcoming "Cool Cocoon").

Spinto slide=not complicated.

Why? In the words of the Kyocera guy, it’s really not that complicated.

Thanks to the various bandmaking sites, anyone can put out music, and anyone can be in a band, and anyone can promote themselves. Thanks to technology, anyone can record well-made music and even better-made videos.

And thanks to the fact that a lot of incredible music has been made, a lot of incredible music can also be copied.

It’s an overcrowded field now. Music consumers are faced with so many options now that it’s overwhelming, and they just reach for the obvious. As always, great bands are obscured. And despite the fact that the Spintos went as far as they did, you still get shit like this:

The Spintos are having an amazing career and their accomplishments cannot be understated. That being said, if they had hit the open market in the early 1990s instead of the early 2000s, they’d have reached a level on par with one of their influences, Pavement, and maybe even higher.

The band is at Arden Gild Hall, 2126 The Highway, in Arden, on Saturday (April 6). Buried Beds open the shop at 8 p.m. Tickets are $10 in advance, $12 day of show.