Paging Delaware venues - it's the 1990s calling; they want theirheadliners back

Boys to douche, BTD, OMG ... the Hanson family.

A friend at work is obsessed with Hanson. That's right, the "MMMBop" kids from the early 1990s, not to be confused with fellow '90s act Nelson, because that would mean they had two sick songs instead of one Ear Worm, or the "MMM MMM MMM MMM" guys, the Crash Test Dummies, also from the early 1990s (This really happened didn't it. Holy shit).

As in, she is big into the stuff they put out after their debut smash containing the one-hit wonder. As in, she still goes to see them in concert. As in, she says that they don't sell these days because they are "ahead of their time," and she says this completely straight-faced, leaving me feeling like Ron Burgundy after he finds out that Veronica Corningstone wasn't joking about wanting to be an anchor.

Anyway, at 6 p.m. May 11, Hanson will be headlining the music portion of this year's Flower Market in Wilmington. And, yeah, while it's cool they got a nationally known act, it's a nationally known act that hasn't been relevant for two decades, unless you count the three times that small voices in the music press tried to sell us the bullshit that they made some decent music as grown-ups. Yeah, right.

What's really telling is that this Hanson-obsessed co-worker is NOT EVEN GOING TO SEE THE HANSON FLOWER MARKET SHOW. Which means they are beyond irrelevant. What the hell, Flower Market?

I can't decide whether the FM's choice of headliner is better or worse than an upcoming show that Dover Downs has just started promoting in earnest: Keith Sweat on Sept. 20. Really? Keith Sweat? We're going to start seeing his mug on a giant billboard just south of Wilmington, finally replacing the Boz Scaggs one that stayed up there three weeks after his recent show?

I was so blown away at hearing about this upcoming gig that I rushed to group text-message the three people who would find this most amusing:

Me: 













Col. Wilma Deering:

Oh snap! Let's go!

Dr. Elias Huer:

You say no! I say yes! Girl I bet I can make you sweat.

Princess Ardala:

Is he related to Nicky Sweats?

Dr. Elias Huer:

Keith "Butt" Sweat.

Me:

Keith Buttsweat in Barnes & Noble.

Princess Ardala:

I thought he was dead?

Me:

One of the Kriss Kross kids just died. The Grim Reaper makes you ... jump jump.

Col. Wilma Deering:

I just saw these. You guys are nerds.

Dr. Elias Hunter:

Wiggedy wiggedy wiggedy wack.

Col. Wilma Deering:

Important question: Is he being buried backwards?

***************
Only a Keith Sweat concert at Dover Downs could elicit such gibberish. So, thank you, Dover Downs, and, thank you, Flower Market. You have made my weekend, and that is very sad.

Sad times: "Who's Next" gets the Classic Albums Live treatment at The Grand

Seems like a cool enough concept: A cracker-jack band comprised of impeccably professional musicians crank out some of the greatest albums of all time.

But see Classic Albums Live is not some corny tribute band. It's a recreation of the music and the album, in order, from opener to closer.

We're especially intrigued in cases where this simply could not happen otherwise: The Beatles' "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," "Abbey Road" and "Rubber Soul"; Queen's "Night At The Opera"; Led Zeppelin's "I" and "IV,"; Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon,"; The Doors' "L.A. Woman"; and and Bob Marley's "Exodus" are among the many that would be kind of cool to hear recreated.

Bowie was best with Mick at his side.

Kind of annoying in cases where this might actually be happening, could possibly happen, or could definitely happen but probably won't: David Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust" (wouldn't be the same without Mick Ronson), The Eagles' "Hotel California," (yeah, well, naw) and AC/DC's "Back In Black" (seriously, why would you not just go see the real deal?).

Welcome to the Hotel Douchefornia.

So where does The Who's classic 1971 album "Who's Next" fall? Since Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey continue to trot around using The Who name, even performing entire albums like they did on the recent "Quadrophenia" tour, it's not out of the realm of possibility that these two stubborn bastards could line up a "Who's Next" tour where they go from "Baba O'Riley" to "Won't Get Fooled Again" in cities all over the world.

But is this something that could really happen, even if it did? As in, would Townshend and Daltrey really be recreating the album? Missing John Entwistle's monster bass (and vox on "My Wife") would leave me feeling empty. And no Keith Moon? That means no machine-gun take-off at the end of "Baba." And no lightning-crash entrance on "Bargain." And no motor on "Goin' Mobile." And no rolling break out of the Moog and patpatpatpatpatpatpatpatpatpat "YEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH MEET THE NEW BOSS" on "Won't Get Fooled Again."

So this is sad, because we'd love to hear the early 1970's version of The Who do "Who's Next":

But we don't really want the current "Who" to do "Who's Next":

And while it appears they do a more-than-capable job with it - we kind of don't want Classic Albums Live to do it:

Maybe you feel differently. And if you do, you can check it out on Saturday April 6 at 8 p.m. at The Grand, which is at 818 N. Market St., Wilmington. Tickets are $28, $32 or $37, and you can get them here.